It’s 2016, the year of our Presidential politics and all that goes with it. We’ve seen it before, but not usually when running for the most powerful position in the free world. But there, played out on the TV news reports every day…a bully. Remember this guy? Biff was a bully. Click on the video clip for a reminder.
Like many people, I was bullied
in life. It was particularly dramatic for
me from grades 7-9. I rode a bus to
school most days and used to get taunted, called cruel names, threatened with
pain and death, punched, spit on, laughed at, kicked, and on one occasion
beaten on the back of the head until it started to bleed and swell…while
standing at the front of the bus next to the driver who did absolutely nothing
to stop it. And I did nothing to defend
myself either. It’s not that I was
“chicken” or “yellow”, but rather the product of my upbringing.
I was always taught to “turn the
other cheek” and not to fight. At one
point, I even remember being taken to the home of one particular nemesis of
mine after a nasty altercation on the bus, and being forced to “apologize” for
any wrong I had caused. It didn’t stop
the bullying. In the bully’s mind, it
made me weak.
Eventually, we moved away to
another town and, in my way of thinking, a new start. These kids didn’t know me, so it was a fresh
beginning. I quickly made a few friends
at Southland High School in Arbyrd, Missouri, and things seemed to be good…for
about a week. Then it happened.
As I was walking back to the main
building on campus between classes, this kid came up behind me and started
calling me names, pushing me in the back, laughing at me…the new kid syndrome I
suppose. I glanced back and noticed that
not only was he trying to goad me into a confrontation, he was also a head
shorter than me. What!!!!???? Are you kidding me?
I walked up the front steps and
entered the building with this knucklehead on my tail. Unbeknownst to him, years of anger,
belittling and head beatings began to boil out of my stomach and into my brain. I had no intentions of enduring this
again…ever!
Just as he punched me in the back
one last time I swung around and, like Billy Jack on the courthouse lawn,
grabbed numb-nuts by the wrist, twisted it behind his back, and slammed his
face up against the nearest wall. Then
without missing a beat got up next to his ear and in a quiet voice said, “If
you ever touch me again…I will kill you.
Do you understand me?”
“Yes”, came the meek reply.
I never had a problem with
bullies in school after that day. And neither did George McFly.
It was a watershed moment for
me. A small victory in the world of mean
people. And I came to the realization
that there is such a thing as “righteous anger”. Ever since that day, I have never cowered to
a bully or failed to intervene when others were being bullied. Now that doesn’t mean the episodes from
bullies stopped, but it does mean I didn’t take it lying down. And I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the
way. Here are just a few:
Bullies Have Low Self-Esteem
By bullying others, they are over
compensating for not feeling good about themselves. Perhaps they were bullied in the past, or
perhaps belittled and pushed around at home.
Bullies tend to have bullies for role models, whether it’s a parent,
sibling or other authority figure in their life. They often don’t like themselves…who they
are…who they have become. And they take
it out on others to make themselves feel superior. Bullies are afraid of appearing weak.
Bullies Need Love Too
That may seem like a polar
opposite, because we know that a person who bullies does not generally receive
love in return (unless it’s fake). But
the fact remains that they have a desire to be loved just like anyone
else. The difference is they’ve not
developed the cognitive coping mechanisms or social skills to give or receive
the love they so desire. They tend to
not know how to reciprocate well when someone truly shows love to them. Proverbs 25:21-22 tells us, “If your enemy is
hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on
his head, and the Lord will reward you.” [NIV]
Bullies Always Look for the
Weakest Link
Unless they are inebriated, most
bullies don’t take on the Hulk Hogan’s of the world. They look for the vulnerable…someone smaller,
weaker, or who may appear to not be a part of the crowd they are associated. They may verbally or physically abuse women,
the elderly or children. They make fun
of anything and everything not associated with strength or mental
fortitude. They thrive on psychological
and physical superiority and find it in those below their own peak of
greatness.
Bullies Are Everywhere
It doesn’t matter whether you’re
old, young, rich, poor, employed, unemployed, religious, or not. Bullies can be found in every walk of life…even
(and especially) in politics. I retired
from the U.S. Air Force at the highest enlisted rank of Chief Master Sergeant
(E-9). And yet, even as a Chief I
encountered some of the worst bullies you could imagine among my peers. In fact, I think the rank itself may have
given them some kind of green light to act like total jerks. After all….almost EVERYone was beneath them
in rank and power. And many of the
junior officers above them were intimidated as well. What a glorious place for a bully to find
themselves!
Bullies Respect Being Pushed
Back
As bad as this may sound to my pacifist
Christian friends, bullies who get pushback tend to respect that person
more. This works no matter the playing
field. If you don’t hold your ground
they see you as weak and vulnerable.
Whether it’s the playground, or politics…bullies respect those who give
as well as they take. But there’s a
difference between standing your ground and dishing out revenge. They are not the same, and revenge is not
Christ-like. Jesus Himself was face to
face with the Roman procurator, Pilate, who questioned him at the eleventh hour
prior to death. When he didn’t get a
response, his frustration was evident when he said to Jesus, “Do you refuse to
speak to me? Don’t you realize I have
power either to free you or to crucify you?”
Jesus stood his ground in His response saying, “You would have no power
over me if it were not given to you from above.” [John 19:9-11, NIV] Although Pilate finally relented and gave him
over for crucifixion instead of risking a riot, Jesus had gained his respect…tried
to find a reason to release Him, and finally had a placard placed above His
head on the cross that named him “King of the Jews”.
Some might say, “You violate your
Christian principles when you stand up to a bully”. I beg to differ. Whether it’s in the workplace, at school, in
church or on the playground…by standing up to the bully you gain respect and
quite possibly a friend in the long run.
By doing so, and then offering a hand in friendship and demeanor of
kindness, you are demonstrating that there is a better way as well as a better
outcome for you both. You may not always
win the fight, but you will certainly win the war. There really can be ‘Peace through Strength’. I only wish our politicians would heed the
call as well.
Papa Chief
