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Sunday, March 6, 2016

Bullies on the Playground of Life


It’s 2016, the year of our Presidential politics and all that goes with it.  We’ve seen it before, but not usually when running for the most powerful position in the free world.  But there, played out on the TV news reports every day…a bully. Remember this guy?  Biff was a bully.  Click on the video clip for a reminder.
 

Like many people, I was bullied in life.  It was particularly dramatic for me from grades 7-9.  I rode a bus to school most days and used to get taunted, called cruel names, threatened with pain and death, punched, spit on, laughed at, kicked, and on one occasion beaten on the back of the head until it started to bleed and swell…while standing at the front of the bus next to the driver who did absolutely nothing to stop it.  And I did nothing to defend myself either.  It’s not that I was “chicken” or “yellow”, but rather the product of my upbringing.  

I was always taught to “turn the other cheek” and not to fight.  At one point, I even remember being taken to the home of one particular nemesis of mine after a nasty altercation on the bus, and being forced to “apologize” for any wrong I had caused.  It didn’t stop the bullying.  In the bully’s mind, it made me weak.
Eventually, we moved away to another town and, in my way of thinking, a new start.  These kids didn’t know me, so it was a fresh beginning.  I quickly made a few friends at Southland High School in Arbyrd, Missouri, and things seemed to be good…for about a week.  Then it happened.

As I was walking back to the main building on campus between classes, this kid came up behind me and started calling me names, pushing me in the back, laughing at me…the new kid syndrome I suppose.  I glanced back and noticed that not only was he trying to goad me into a confrontation, he was also a head shorter than me.  What!!!!????  Are you kidding me?

I walked up the front steps and entered the building with this knucklehead on my tail.  Unbeknownst to him, years of anger, belittling and head beatings began to boil out of my stomach and into my brain.  I had no intentions of enduring this again…ever!  

Just as he punched me in the back one last time I swung around and, like Billy Jack on the courthouse lawn, grabbed numb-nuts by the wrist, twisted it behind his back, and slammed his face up against the nearest wall.  Then without missing a beat got up next to his ear and in a quiet voice said, “If you ever touch me again…I will kill you.  Do you understand me?”  

“Yes”, came the meek reply.

I never had a problem with bullies in school after that day.  And neither did George McFly.

It was a watershed moment for me.  A small victory in the world of mean people.  And I came to the realization that there is such a thing as “righteous anger”.  Ever since that day, I have never cowered to a bully or failed to intervene when others were being bullied.  Now that doesn’t mean the episodes from bullies stopped, but it does mean I didn’t take it lying down.  And I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way.  Here are just a few:

Bullies Have Low Self-Esteem
By bullying others, they are over compensating for not feeling good about themselves.  Perhaps they were bullied in the past, or perhaps belittled and pushed around at home.  Bullies tend to have bullies for role models, whether it’s a parent, sibling or other authority figure in their life.  They often don’t like themselves…who they are…who they have become.  And they take it out on others to make themselves feel superior.  Bullies are afraid of appearing weak.

Bullies Need Love Too
That may seem like a polar opposite, because we know that a person who bullies does not generally receive love in return (unless it’s fake).  But the fact remains that they have a desire to be loved just like anyone else.  The difference is they’ve not developed the cognitive coping mechanisms or social skills to give or receive the love they so desire.  They tend to not know how to reciprocate well when someone truly shows love to them.  Proverbs 25:21-22 tells us, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.” [NIV]

Bullies Always Look for the Weakest Link
Unless they are inebriated, most bullies don’t take on the Hulk Hogan’s of the world.  They look for the vulnerable…someone smaller, weaker, or who may appear to not be a part of the crowd they are associated.  They may verbally or physically abuse women, the elderly or children.  They make fun of anything and everything not associated with strength or mental fortitude.  They thrive on psychological and physical superiority and find it in those below their own peak of greatness.

Bullies Are Everywhere
It doesn’t matter whether you’re old, young, rich, poor, employed, unemployed, religious, or not.  Bullies can be found in every walk of life…even (and especially) in politics.  I retired from the U.S. Air Force at the highest enlisted rank of Chief Master Sergeant (E-9).  And yet, even as a Chief I encountered some of the worst bullies you could imagine among my peers.  In fact, I think the rank itself may have given them some kind of green light to act like total jerks.  After all….almost EVERYone was beneath them in rank and power.  And many of the junior officers above them were intimidated as well.  What a glorious place for a bully to find themselves!  

Bullies Respect Being Pushed Back
As bad as this may sound to my pacifist Christian friends, bullies who get pushback tend to respect that person more.  This works no matter the playing field.  If you don’t hold your ground they see you as weak and vulnerable.  Whether it’s the playground, or politics…bullies respect those who give as well as they take.  But there’s a difference between standing your ground and dishing out revenge.  They are not the same, and revenge is not Christ-like.  Jesus Himself was face to face with the Roman procurator, Pilate, who questioned him at the eleventh hour prior to death.  When he didn’t get a response, his frustration was evident when he said to Jesus, “Do you refuse to speak to me?  Don’t you realize I have power either to free you or to crucify you?”  Jesus stood his ground in His response saying, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above.”  [John 19:9-11, NIV]  Although Pilate finally relented and gave him over for crucifixion instead of risking a riot, Jesus had gained his respect…tried to find a reason to release Him, and finally had a placard placed above His head on the cross that named him “King of the Jews”.  
 

Some might say, “You violate your Christian principles when you stand up to a bully”.  I beg to differ.  Whether it’s in the workplace, at school, in church or on the playground…by standing up to the bully you gain respect and quite possibly a friend in the long run.  By doing so, and then offering a hand in friendship and demeanor of kindness, you are demonstrating that there is a better way as well as a better outcome for you both.  You may not always win the fight, but you will certainly win the war.  There really can be ‘Peace through Strength’.  I only wish our politicians would heed the call as well.

Papa Chief