20,048 Days

Today marks the 20,048^th day of my existence since birth.  It’s a milestone I’ve never achieved before, and will never experience again.  It’s a beautiful day here in the Valley of the Sun….a day to revel in the glory of God’s beauty as I sit and write about the majesty of awesomeness that surrounds me. 

Of course, the immediate question to my readers is, “What is so significant about 20,048 days”?  Here I sit…the day after Memorial Day 2014, the 27^th of May, and all I can think of is my father. 

Dorsey Leon Crow was born on 12 May 1929.  He would have been 85-years old this month.  And yet, God chose to take him home on 1 Apr 1984….exactly 20,048 days after he was born.  Today, I am exactly the same age as my father was the day he died and went home to be with our Lord. 

I am filled with a myriad of thoughts and feelings about achieving this mark in life.  I’m certainly happy to be sitting here with so much accomplished over the years of which I can be proud.  I have a wonderful wife and we’ve been together for 36+ years.  I have four beautiful daughters, a couple of fine son-in-laws, and five grandchildren.  I have a church family that I enjoy being around.  I have had a great opportunity to serve our country in the US Air Force for 30-years, and now have a job that is both challenging and rewarding with some great colleagues to work with.  I have a comfortable home and I’m financially stable.  My health is relatively good, and I’ve recently lost several pounds.  There are many things to be thankful for, and I consider myself truly blessed.I am also profoundly sad and sometimes angry.  Sad that my father was taken from us so soon at the age 54.  Sad that he didn’t get to experience “a ripe old age”. 

Angry that he didn’t get to experience all that has happened with his family since that time.  Angry that we no longer have the benefit of hearing his wisdom when we need advice.  Angry that he left Mom to be alone for so long. 

It seems like it was last week when I heard my mother tell me, “Daddy’s gone”.  I cried out in anguish and was inconsolable.  My beautiful wife tried her best to comfort me, even as she mourned for him herself.  She quickly rushed me to the hospital where my Mom, brother and sister were consoling one another and we tried our best to provide support for Mom who was only 53 years old at the time.  She was, and still is, a very strong and beautiful woman; spiritually in tune with the Creator.  And although I know she had her private moments of terrible grief and despair, she always seemed to have an air of fortitude about her…knowing that Dad’s pain was gone and that he was worshipping at the feet of Jesus.  And…that she would one day see him again.

Dad was taken while I was stationed in the Air Force at RAF Upper Heyford, England.  I was a Security Policeman in those days.  A year later I retrained into air traffic control and remained in that specialty throughout the rest of my military career.  Dad never knew me as an air traffic controller.  And he never saw me rise through the ranks of a 30-year career. 

My girls grew up….married….had babies of their own and are making their way through life in various ways.  Although Dad was able to see them all before he left, he never saw what they became.  And though my oldest may have some faint memories of him, my three youngest do not, short of seeing photos and perhaps a video clip.  But he lives on in me, and the memories of my wife and extended family that knew him well. 

I’ve said nothing about this significant mark on my personal calendar to anyone.  It’s been somewhat of a black cloud hanging over my head for a long time.  But I’ve thought about it often…especially in the last year.  I sometimes feel cheated by Dad’s absence, but I often think he would have been somewhat proud of my accomplishments.  After all….isn’t that what we all want to hear?

Finally, his health issues and ultimate and untimely death has seared itself into my own lifestyle.  Dad struggled with being overweight, diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure.  I’ve inherited his high cholesterol and blood pressure and have a propensity towards gaining weight. I’m trying to keep these things in check; mostly because of remembering my Dad and his own difficulties.  He worked hard….sometimes too hard I’m afraid.  So I try to remain calmer and enjoy less stressful situations as much as possible. 

Dad’s legacy was his musical talents, his love of his family, and his faith in God.  I’ve inherited many of these same things from Dad and for that I’m grateful.  He wasn’t a perfect father, but he was MY father…the only one I’ve ever known.  And I miss him terribly.

So here’s to you Dad!  I need your help to carry me past 20,048 days of life on this earth.  Together we will enjoin our spirits together and press on!  I still hope to make you proud.

I love you so very much!

Papa Chief